Personally and professionally 2016 has been a very crappy year. Even though I spent time in the prison system, oops I meant to type Catholic school; having faith has not been a part of me. This year I have tried to work on my spirituality health. In February I attended my first ever men’s retreat that was put together by the church our family attends and very much enjoys. From the retreat morphed into now attending a weekly men’s bible study.
I very much enjoy attending the weekly meeting even if it is at 6:45 AM. The issue where this blog comes into play is my own frustration with organized religion. Part of the study is that we watch a snip-it of a video that was done maybe 10-15 years ago. The video is of a Pastor who is leading a men’s study group.
The course we are going through is about being better not just men but dad’s. I have to say that even with my struggles of faith and devotion that I get a lot out of both the video series along with the Bible Scripture we go through each week.
The video we were sent to watch for the week was all about having internal wounds when there is an absent father. For example if your dad was not around then you will go through “Anger and Pain”; because of traumatic experience. You could go through this even if your dad was there physically but not emotionally. A very valid point and makes sense when dealing with any type of loss.
Where I got very upset was that the fact that because I went through divorce that my son will be “homosexual.” To paraphrase Seinfeld “there is nothing wrong with that.”
My feeling is that this thinking is the blame game and it needs to stop. I am wired that I am attracted to women and more importantly to my wife. I am wired that I am a dog person. I am wired that my eyes are Blue.
Regardless if you enjoy Lady Gaga or not she has sang about “being born this way” and she is so right.
When we had our last study group I had to say something and the issue is when I get all wound-up I sound like a babbling idiot. This was the case. Lucky for me I was able to somewhat articulate my point that one of the other men agreed with me but the point was brought back to the age of the video. The point I was trying to get across was in my opinion brushed off. I was sitting next to our Pastor and he did let me know he was sorry that I felt the way.
The one point set me off and because of the video I was not sure if I would move forward of attending the group. I really had to dig deep and realized that I would be a hypocrite if I stopped attending. Maybe I took things way to personally.
The end of the meeting I had to really reflect. Sitting there to put a perspective of old fashion thinking that my son is going to turn gay because his parents went through a divorce is insane. Shouldn’t we love our neighbor no matter what? There was even good in Darth Vader.
Tommy Maloney is a Speaker, Author, Trainer and Parenting Coach. The author of “25 Tips For Divorced Dads.” Executive producer and co-host of the podcast Blending The Family where you can find on ITUNES and Stitcher Radio. Tommy has spoken at TEDx, Ignite Fort Collins and Keynote Speaker at Everything Dad Convention. A dad to Betsy, Becca and Connor and husband to Ann. His new book “My Dad’s Advice At 5:04 AM” is coming out in 2017.
To book Tommy Maloney please contact him at 303.263.3118 or by: Tommy@BlendingTheFamily.com