1 On 1 Coaching with Tommy

My Approach

On September 26, 1969, we met a family who was not a “typical” family of the times.  We have a widowed dad and is raising (you might know where I am going) three boys. Then there is a divorcee who ironically is raising three girls.  The Brady Bunch or even today with the show “Modern Family” incorporated what can be called a “Blended Family” where you have a possibly each parent who has kids from a previous marriage and now blending them all into one new family.  We are a blended family and want to share how we are trying to make our family work.

My name is Tommy Maloney, and I am all about serving you through my coaching, speaking, or weekly podcast. I have not walked in your shoes but have lived through the world of divorce. My parents divorced when I was five years old. My first marriage dissolved in 6 years when my son was ironically five years old when his mom and I divorced. I even spent a day in Family Court. However, I did find love with my wife, Ann. We are a blended family, and I want to share four tips that have helped us become a somewhat successful family.

Tip One to have a successful blended family: The kids MUST be first. When we first started to date and realized that we wanted to move forward, we knew that we did not want to continue the relationship because we did not wish to added stress if the kids did not get along.  I might sound a bit harsh for guidance.  The point here, the kids need to come first. In the relationship, they do not have a say in whom you date nor whom you marry.   

Tip Two for a successful blended family: This was a massive wake-up call for us, and that is the financial piece. Our biggest mistake was we had two separate banking accounts.  When it came to paying the bills, it did not know what the other hand was doing.  The bottom line here is to get everything under one roof.  We were struggling not just money-wise but marriage wise because we did not want to have the hard conversation, and quite honestly, it almost ruined our marriage.  Having those problematic one-on-one conversations is challenging, but most marriages (1^st, 2^nd, etc.) end due to this one major piece, and when you are now a new blended family, these are the talks you both NEED to have.

Tip Three for a successful blended family: Date nights, but it is not what it sounds.  Yes, you two should make sure that there are regular date nights, but actually, I am talking about having date nights with you and each of the kids. Spending time on an individual basis can help grow your relationship, and I am not merely talking with your biological kids but your “bonus” (we never used the word “step”) kids.  Get on their level and find things that they enjoy doing. They will appreciate the effort; no, really, they will.

Tip Four for a successful blended family: Be a cheerleader to the kids.  In our family, we try to go to the kid’s events to show our support.  The kids have even attended some of my hockey games to show their support. 

Well, I hope those tips will inspire you and your family. Here is my link to my calendar; if you need to set up a FREE 1 on one coaching session with me.

Thank you for stopping by.

-Tommy